So, we're really getting into the thick of the 4th quarter of the year and my goodness, it has been a year. As we move closer towards the end of the year, I've been thinking a lot about the friendships I've had, the choices I've made and the work that I do. I guess I can say that I've been extremely self reflective about how I've gotten to this point in my freelance work, my corporate job and just life in general. When I quit my job in 2016, I had no idea where it was going to lead. What I did know at the time was that I could not continue working at my previous place of employment due to the rising level of stress, job uncertainty and dissatisfaction. So, I quit, and at the time I was very lucky to have supportive parents who I could fall back out while I worked to figure my career path out. Is this something that I would recommend to all the struggling millennials out there looking to find their place? Probably not. I definitely took the jumping into the dark path in terms of deciding my fate, and while it did eventually work out, there were a lot of wasted job interviews, spurts of self loathing, anxiety and fear along the way. As I'm moving forward in a corporate job that I enjoy, a freelance career I love and a podcast/collective that I feel finally gives me the opportunity to express myself, I'm looking back at my choices and I do feel like career wise I made the right decision. My personal life is definitely still in the phase of development and growth, but at least I know that I made one right decision when it comes to my professional path and the potential for success. 

Okay, I know I know, it's been a while since I've blogged. I'm not even going to drum up any excuses, but I am working to diminish the procrastination beast inside of me and I'm slowly getting it together. 

I figured the best way to make a return is to share a few of my favorite things that get me through the day, week, life and in between. 

To relax: 

Levar Burton Reads - Podcast

Lightspeed Magazine - Podcast and website

To learn: 

Behind the Brilliance - Podcast

The Nod - Podcast

To laugh:

The Read - Podcast

To sleep: 

Sleep with me - Podcast

To scratch my curious itch: 

Mysteries Abound - Podcast

Before I picked this book, Taraji was already like a favorite cousin/auntie to me. Her spirit just seemed real and authentic, regardless of the story she played. After the news broke about her pay conditions and living quarters while filming "Benjamin Button" compared to her white co-stars, again, I too felt the pain of all black women who make our way into corporate or "mostly white" America through our careers with our heads held high, only to be smacked in the face by invisible barriers of systematic racism, gender inequality and classism. "But I went to school" "I worked hard" we did all the things we were told to do in order to be successful, but when it really came down to it, our worth was not measured by what we brought to the table, but rather the color of our skin and the gender/sex we identify with. When I finished Taraji's book, I could visualize all the hard work she put in, all the sacrifices she made, and even with all the success she's had over the years, she still has to struggle in today's Hollywood. Recently Taraji announced her 2 year relationship (and engagement) throughout the media, and I thought "yessss Auntie!" because I am so happy for her and her happiness. This book made me love Taraji even more, and I wish her nothing but success and happiness for her and her family. 

As I sit here writing this reflection, it amazes me how much the general public is invested into celebrities lives. These people entertain us, but we always as for more, and then we judge them if we feel what they're giving us is inadequate. So, my March book was "We're going to need more wine" by Gabrielle Union, and I thought I was ready to read and learn more about Mrs. Union and how she got to this point in her life. As I finished each chapter, I started realizing how much these celebrities give to us for, what in return? I appreciate Gabrielle telling us her story because her journey matters, especially to me as a young black woman. I know there was pain, and heartache, and frustration, and maybe there still is in her life, but she seems to be someone who has worked very hard to become the best she can be, and I want you all to feel that too. 

To answer my title question, very. It's something I've known all my life, and after a while something I became comfortable with. That's why, when I first stumbled upon "The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl" on YT, I was excited. I could consume a representation that genuinely reflected my everyday experiences. Of course, there is no cookie cutter awkward experience, and we all go through life with our own perspectives, but seeing Issa Rae take something so familiar to me, and connect it to so many people felt really good. Over the years, I've watched Issa Rae flourish and blossom into HBO deals, speaking appearances and the like, all the while I'm like "Yas Queen!" and singing other praises. While I don't know her from the next girl, it felt good seeing her float across my television screen, reliving my awkward and down right terrible moments on HBO's "Insecure" every week. 

Naturally, in keeping up with my 12 books by black women cause, I figured picking up Issa Rae's autobiography "The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl" would give me the same feeling as watching her journey these past couple of years. Don't get me wrong, I'm well aware that artists, entertainers and celebrities don't owe us a thing, they're people just like we are. Yet, as I turned the page through Issa's autobiography, I didn't feel connected. While I definitely identify as awkward, it felt like what I was reading just didn't connect the dots. If anything, this book has cemented the idea even more about how nuanced awkward can actually be. Many times, on social media, black Twitter will joke about everybody experiencing the same childhood through memes, some funny joke or other shared experience, and while that may be true, we are all also very different, despite the shared identities. What Issa did give me was a sense that even an awkward black girl can stake her claim in this crazy world. 

​So this year, one of the goals that I set was to read 12 books by 12 black women. The first book I sat out to conquer was that of Jenifer Lewis, the proclaimed "mother of black Hollywood". I was familiar enough with the work of Ms. Lewis to think that I would gain some valuable wisdom and insight, along with some laughs along the way. I was prepared for her candidness, but I was not prepared for my response to some of her messages, experiences and overall outlook on life. Coming to terms with her bipolar-disorder meant that Jenifer has to take a long hard look at her behavior, her childhood and how they influenced who she is today. As black people, I think many of us often overlook emotional trauma from our childhoods as sort of part of the game, or a way of life. By doing this, we let problematic behaviors go unaddressed, and wreck havoc on our personal lives, professional lives, and internal perception. Jenifer's story is one of many in how she was raised, the interactions she had with adults who were supposed to look out for her, and the challenges she faced. Often times we try to wear our trauma as a badge of honor instead of addressing the fact that we were hurt and we need to work towards behaviors that address these demons and change how we act. 

Change, a word so many people actively fear and try to avoid. There's always that internal battle of "good vs. evil" when we're faced with change. Some of us try to face it head on, just to get knocked down because we weren't as ready as we thought we were. Maybe we never will be. After finishing Jenifer Lewis' book, I thought long and hard about my own behaviors, past relationships and interactions, and how it set the stage for who I am now. Her book was uplifting, it was scary, it was jaw dropping, and it was insightful. I challenge everyone to purchase it and let her words work within you. It might help you find out some things about yourself as well. 

I'm one of those people constantly on the lookout for resources and tips that I can share with my clients to help them grow. I also utilize this search as an opportunity to boost my own skill set and growth, and with that, I tend to come across books and podcasts that provide useful content. I try not to recommend something that I wouldn't use or follow myself, so with that being said, here's a book that I think is very useful for the entrepreneur or professional that finds themselves stuck on where to go. I came across "So Good They Can't Ignore You" by Cal Newport on a list published by Business Insider. This book offers some really great gems and thinking points, specifically tailored to the "follow your passion" mindset many of us grew up on.

One of the first resources that stood out to me was Roadtrip Nation, and is a great tool for those who are heavily into visual content. 

Focusing back on Newport, this book does not skimp on the notion that "follow your passion" is terrible career advice. Now for me, this is something that was pretty much ingrained into my brain since the age old question "what do you want to be when you grow up?" was proposed. "Find something/Do what you love" or "Follow your heart" is a concept constantly sold to us when trying to decide on a career path, but as Newport argues, this advice eventually sets us up for failure. Referencing the origin story of Steve Jobs, and many other visionaries, who at first glance seemed to have followed their passion, Newport's main line of reasoning is that these individuals did not simply love their work at the first go around. Instead, they focused on a skill/set of skills, obsessed over those skills until they became great, and then presented their work to the masses to be revered. While the image we see of these successful people shows them smiling, obviously passionate about their work and enjoying what they do, they didn't start out this way. Adopting the "craftman's mindset" instead of the "passion" mindset allowed these people to become the best of the best, and the happy people we see them as today. 

For those who've struggled with connecting their passion with their work, or figuring out their next step, pick up Cal Newport's book and see where it lands you!

Happy trails...

I sometimes find myself falling in the rut of thinking I'm Superwoman and can do it all. Regardless of a project, I tend to think that I don't need help (even when I do) and suffer through the painstakingly horrible task of trying to get everything done, and although I do, I could save myself a lot of trouble by just asking for help. I try to get my clients to see the light, especially from experience, that they can't do everything and that trying to tackle the small pieces before finishing the big picture. When looking at a puzzle of your dream business, project, goal, it can be very convincing to try to jump in head first, but take a breath, know your limits and learn that it's okay to take a break and recognize when something is too much for your plate.  

As we start the 4th quarter of the year, what are some things that you've learned that you're taking with you in growth? What are some things (or people) you plan on leaving behind? Why? I'm a fan of reflection, and I try to help my clients see the what as well as the why. When you're trying to grow your business/professional self, it can be hard to let things or people go that have been an integral part of your life. Even in my own business endeavors, I had to learn that everyone can't be on board when it's time to move forward, especially if these people are complacent. So take some time to reflect and reevaluate whatever it takes to make you better.